Starlet
by Diary
Summary: Re-posted, possibly under a different title. On her deathbed, Melanie confesses her secrets to India. Complete.


Disclaimer: I do not own Gone With the Wind

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India Wilkes felt her body tense as the older woman quietly exited the room. She remembered once, when she was eight, she had torn the pages of a book Ashley had loved. She had done it because he, in a rare mood, had teased her, affectionately, about a crush she had on one of his playmates. The feeling of satisfaction she had gotten from the ripping had been replaced with guilt and self-shame as she looked into his hurt, almost uncomprehending eyes.

She had run to her mother. 'I wish I had the underhandedness to take away your pain and culpability, darling, but that would be doing a selfish deed to both you and I. The fact is you did intentionally hurt your brother. Now, India Dimity Wilkes, you have two choices. You can either face the repercussions of your conduct, like a true lady and a Christian would, or you can give Ashley a superficial apology and go on as if you did nothing wrong. You and I both know that Ashley is a true gentleman, and he will never bring up your behaviour if you wish to forget it.'

India had wanted to think of herself as a lady and a Christian. She had apologised, in the most sincere way she could. She had discreetly found out how much the book had cost. For a week, she had spent hours picking cotton with the slaves in the fields in exchange for money from the overseer. He had been a kind man who had fretted over her, offering to just give her the money, constantly trying to coax her into taking breaks and to drink cool water, and even going as far as threatening to tell her father and mother if she didn't stick to the shady areas.

When she had presented Ashley with a new book (her father had bought the book with the money she presented, with no questions as to how she had obtained it), exactly the same as his old one, and once again apologised, she had thought she had earned her atonement. He certainly made her feel as though she had. He had hugged her, his eyes full of wonder and happiness, and then, he had lectured about her working in the field.

Now, sitting in a chair next to a dying Melanie, India realised her selfishness as a little girl, and now, as a grown woman. When she was little, she had wanted only the feeling of being a good person; now, as a grown woman, she had only wanted to look down openly on Scarlett. True, she genuinely believed all she had accused Scarlett of; she had honestly cared about her brother's welfare, but the candid truth was Scarlett had never been someone she had liked.

Melanie, a person India had always respected, though perhaps not liked, had been hurt. India hadn't cared, just as she hadn't cared even when she realised how badly she had, once again, managed to hurt her brother. The only thing in her mind was she had justification to publicly cut and look down in moral superiority to Scarlett, and she had taken it.

India took a deep breath. "I retract all I said. I do not expect nor ask your forgiveness, but I will give you my apology. I promise that I will not treat Scarlett disrespectfully ever again. Goodbye, Miss Melanie."

She rose to leave, but was stopped by a gentle, bony hand. "Please, sit down, India," Melanie said, weakly.

Mentally bracing herself, India sat down and looked composedly at her sister-in-law. Her guilt deepened when Melanie gave her a sad, weary look. 'You must do penance for your sins. The Lord will forgive much, but you cannot expect to escape the consequences of your actions.' India remembered an old family friend, a preacher, used to tell her when she was a mere six-years-old.

"Oh, India. You don't understand."

India looked at Melanie in curiosity.

Melanie sighed, as if reading her mind, and looked at her with pity. "Captain Butler is one of the few who truly does. I'm another. He, unlike me, is willing to do something with that understanding. I could be called the greatest starlet ever. Of course," she mused, now more to herself than India, "he'd hate me if he ever realised. So much pride, believing he can read and see everyone's true self. I will be one of the few exceptions."

Briefly, India wondered if Melanie was delirious. As soon as the thought entered, Melanie shook her head, once again, as if she were reading India's mind. "No, precious." She took a deep breath. "The society we live in is one that represses people. It makes everyone fit a certain mold, and it condemns those who only wish to be who they are, not who society thinks they should be."

"I was always one who wanted to be true, but I was a coward and a good little starlet. Instead of breaking the mold, I overcompensated. Rhett Butler always respected me, because he thought that I really was being true. Whether you think I'm crazy or not, I wish for you to hear this," she said, seeing India shift slightly.

India nodded in resignation.

Melanie continued. "Scarlett, she is different from both Rhett Butler and I. She saw no reason to be real and true, but one day, he saw who she was. He wanted her to be, because he loves her. I admired her, even when I knew it was him, not her." She searched India's face and sighed. "I cannot hope to make you understand. I love you, India. If you want my forgiveness, I forgive you. Perhaps, someday, you will understand, though, I've never been one to fool myself. I hope someday, if you do realise and understand, you'll forgive me for what I did to you. Now, give me a kiss and promise you'll look out for Ashley and Beau."

India did. After walking out of the room, the world blacked out, and she found herself silently crying on Ashley's bed with little Beau hugging her and telling her it was okay to cry, Mama loved her and Father and him, and now, Mama was safe and happy in heaven, and she wouldn't want Auntie India to be so sad, but it was okay 'cause he was sad to and so was Father.


End file.
